Unlocking Self-Love: A Psychologist’s Guide on How to Appreciate Yourself More

Table of Contents

psychologist's
  • Real-Life Story: One of my clients struggled with feeling like she wasn’t enough. During a session, I asked her to recall a time she helped someone. She remembered helping her younger sibling through a tough move—something she had dismissed as unimportant. She remembered helping her husband through a depression and job changing. And helping her friends with good advice many times at need. Over time, she began to see this and many other actions as proof of her competence and kindness. This simple exercise helped her shift the way she saw herself.
  • Use this sentence for when you feel behind or not doing enough: “I might not be yet where I want to be, but in the last five years, I have…”
STEP THREE: Acknowledge Your Capabilities
  • Gratitude Practice: Spend a few minutes daily reflecting on things you’re thankful for—whether it’s being healthy, having a comfortable home, or just enjoying a sunny day. Science has shown that gratitude helps increase happiness and reduces anxiety.
  • Exercise: You could use the A to Z gratitude exercise when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Start with A: “I am grateful for an Amazing day today,” and for “beach and sunny days”, and for “calmness after a good conversation”, and move through the alphabet.
  • Habit Formation Tip: Attach this gratitude practice to a daily routine—perhaps when brushing your teeth in the morning. Creating this association makes it easier to turn gratitude into a habit.
  • Daily Habit: At the end of each day, use your fingers to count five small victories. After each one, reward yourself with something small—perhaps a favorite tea or a quiet moment of reflection. This is about developing a positive mental habit that searches for success.
  • Real-Life Story: My client struggled with recognizing his achievements. We started practicing daily “finger victories.” Every night, he celebrated small things: a successful presentation, a good workout, a good meal choice, controlling his irritability, or even making a friend smile. Gradually, his self-image began to improve, as he re-wired his brain to recognize the good in himself.
Some extra mindfulness Exercises for a Self-Appreciation Boost
  1. Engage in Activities That Make You Feel Young and Free
    Take time to do something that makes you feel like a kid. Go eat cake, visit a market, dance, do a day trip. Remember, self-appreciation also involves giving yourself permission to enjoy life.
  2. Appreciation Message
    Send a message of appreciation to someone. You’ll experience the positive emotion alongside them.
  3. Mirror Exercise
    Stand in front of a mirror, look deeply into your own eyes, and hold the gaze for two minutes. Say things you love about yourself—whether physical, emotional, or intellectual traits.
Addressing Challenges
  • Why do we feel that, even if we know self-appreciation is necessary?
  • Because: Feeling like self-praise is undeserved; self-praise might seem selfish or a sin.
    • Solution: Start by appreciating even the smallest things, like getting out of bed on a difficult day. Be reasonable and praise what is true, then is not praise, it’s just facts. Over time, this builds self-compassion.
  • Tip: Remember that new habits can feel awkward until they become familiar. Set small, achievable goals to keep yourself motivated.

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