Table of Contents
How to stop procrastinating.
Procrastination SOS: a therapist’s guide.
Have you ever thought you’ll fool the system and enjoy some relaxation, because you have enough time until the deadline? But you forgot the internal system that keeps bringing friends to your relaxation party? The Guilt and Anxiety, the ones that always show up uninvited.
Does this vicious cycle sound familiar to you?
Having deadlines, exams, money to earn, projects to start, materials to read, but it’s so easy to fall into scrolling, doubting, feeling overwhelmed?
I get you. It weights a lot on us to struggle with procrastination, it even seems it can take away our true potential and self-worth.
Let’s start by understanding that you are not a lazy person. You are not less than anyone else.
Why do we procrastinate?
- Perfectionism
This kills motivation big time. And it’s so subtle that dives into your smallest thoughts.
It can show up with questions like: “What if I mess up?” “What if I am incapable of finishing it?”, “What if I am not good enough to do this?” “They will find out I am incompetent if I do it wrong”, “It’s safer to not try”.
Avoiding the goal becomes safer, so procrastination is a mechanism to protect you from failing. The worst part is that it protects you from something you are capable of achieving if you give it enough time, effort and flexibility.
2. Perfectionism
We need to control things to make them perfect, and small mistakes or derails from the planning seem like a tragedy. It takes tremendous effort to maintain the high standards, therefore it’s easier to avoid the task all together, because it weights down only thinking about the hard work it takes.
comes from self-criticism, so instead of blaming yourself, just allow yourself to do as much as you can, step by step, just good enough, not perfect.
3. Feeling overwhelmed
Because you are behind with tasks, they seem to pile up until it becomes intimidating and triggers your insecurities. You avoid feeling the worry of not being good enough or not having enough energy for it by avoiding the tasks all together. The problem is that your anxiety doesn’t go away so you end up feeling bad and exhausted mentally.
Remember that most times, the task takes less time and energy than you imagined and the relief you feel even after 15 minutes of work makes you feel proud or relaxed.
How can we overcome procrastination?
The way you feel about yourself and your tasks, will decide how much you take action. Start with the mindset.
1. Kick out self-criticism. Invite self-compassion over.
Take a few moments and identify your negative self-talk.
Replace phrases like: “I am lazy”, “I’m not good enough to do this”, “Why even try?”, “I can do it tomorrow”, “I’m too overwhelmed to start”, “it’s boring”, with realistic, supportive ones:
Examples of compassionate reframing:
- “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and that’s okay. I’m doing my best.”,
- “I’m not failing, I’m just human, and I deserve a moment to regroup”,
- “I finished important things before, so if I focus a little, I will get this done as well”,
- “This task is not interesting, but it helps me achieve my bigger goals so it’s smart for me to get it done as soon as possible”,
- “I don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time. Some days I’m productive, others I just go slower.
Accept and embrace that real progress means to go through ups and downs, have inspired days and slower days, that everything should be done step by step, that even five minutes of work count and that after a pause or delay, you just need to go back to your task and continue where you left, not to start over.
2. Find meaning, even in the most boring tasks
Just make yourself aware of all the advantages and good things you get from doing that specific task. Ask yourself, why is this important to me?
For example
- If you are procrastinating on applying for jobs,
You could see meaning in practicing your interview skills, improving your CV, thinking ahead for a better future, feeling more confident and experienced after each test, relieving anxiety, gaining a sense of control, feeling productive, at some point getting a job and a salary, getting a better quality of life, affording things you desire, belonging to a team or a professional group, making new friends, feeling satisfied/relaxed after work.
- If you procrastinate on school tasks
You could see meaning in knowing more about the specific topic, applying that knowledge to life skills, becoming better at writing academic papers, better at understanding and summarizing information, better at following plans, keeping your promises and building discipline. Finishing tasks makes you more confident, and allows you to achieve bigger things for your future.
- If you procrastinate on starting self-care habits
You could find meaning in increasing the connection with yourself and loving yourself more, practicing discipline, living a longer, better quality life, looking better and feeling confident long term, feeling in control and with energy, showing up for yourself, finding healing and peace, a better income and relationships because you worked on yourself.
3. Be accountable. It’s good for you.
How can I say this in the most loving way possible?
Even if you don’t love yourself right now, still take accountability for your future self.
Because you will like and respect yourself more with every owned decision you make.
You will face yourself with less guilt, worry and shame if you accepted that choices belong to you and that some discomfort will be carried for anything we want.
Practice resilience by doing what you need to do, even if you do it scared, tired, angry or desperate. You will get somewhere at least, not remain stuck in negative emotions and life conflicts. And you will be able to recover after the disappointment if things don’t go as planned. You will survive it and you will get out more experienced at least.
4. Use these four strategies
- Every task becomes a micro-task.
If you keep postponing the dentist, break it into this:
-open your calendar and see when it’s a realistic week to go
– choose what day of the week and time could realistically work?
– search for 3 dentists and save their number
-call the dentists one by one until you get your time slot
-mark it in the calendar and add a reminder
2.Pair everything in little chains:
Add up new habits to ones that are already formed and flowing.
Example: introduce listening to a podcast on the way to work or morning shower, add groceries shopping after the Wednesday gym/work day, add the flossing before brushing, plus the vitamins immediately after.
3.Negotiate with yourself
Promise to do something for just for 2-5 minutes. Wash five dishes, five minutes of cleaning, five minutes of reading about something, three minutes of dancing.
Give yourself a reward (pleasure, relaxation) only after working on your task.
Ask yourself: “would I really be happy by postponing this, or just have it nagging me while I try to relax? Why not get it out of the way and enjoy my deserved break?
5. Be smart, fixate on the positive side
- Respond to your inner critic with sentences like: “ALTHOUGH…(not doing/being something yet), NEVERTHELESS…(I am working on it, made some progress, learning)”
- Ask forgiveness for your delays or mistakes to yourself or others and give yourself permission to start over as many times as needed.
- Give yourself relaxation, care, joy moments, instead of punishing yourself. From positive intentions you find more productivity.
- Appreciate every progress, remember how positive it feels and use it for motivation
You are building new ways of thinking and behaving in a world full of responsibilities and that takes energy and practice. Stay aware of your triggers, and use self-talk for support.
You are not alone, procrastination affects us all, give yourself grace and remember that you go through many phases in life, some more or less productive, but your worth is never decided by how busy you are. Start today, future you will be grateful.
Teodora Goloiu,
clinical psychologist, therapist and trauma specialist with 12 years of experience.