My dear reader, who feels alone at times,
I want to reach out, and with this opportunity, to create a connection. This article is meant for those who struggle with anxiety and insecurity, and because of their own fears, they end up feeling isolated. We’re going to talk about why it’s important to maintain healthy relationships, and receive social support.
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My goal is to remind you that just because you feel alone and isolated doesn’t mean that you’re actually unsupported or unwanted.
The majority of people who isolate themselves or struggle with expressing their voice, go through the same pattern. I will explain it exactly here so you can have more awareness, power over your emotions, and perspective over your relationships.
Therefore, let’s discuss why it’s important to maintain healthy relationships, and receive social support.
You might wonder, isn’t it easier to not invest in people and try to fix everything on your own? Isn’t it easier to just not talk about your problems and try to figure out your solutions? Isn’t it dangerous to share your problems while people might judge you for what they hear? Or even worse: you need their help, but by asking for it, you just become a burden to them?
I’m sure many of these phrases have been sabotaging beliefs that kept you, at least once, from feeling truly supported and connected with others.
So, if you are insecure or anxious and feeling alone right now, it means you are struggling with one or more of these four fears.
The fear of not being good enough
Even if it’s a deep fear or affects you occasionally, you will feel unworthy of receiving care, patience, respect, attention, or investment in you. So it will feel uncomfortable to express your needs and ask for help, keeping you stuck in the sensation of never receiving enough but always giving too much.
The fear of being judged or rejected by others
What do you think is the danger of this fear when it comes to healthy relationships?
For example, how many healthy relationships can you start through the lens of being rejected? If, from the beginning, you’re too worried to open up or allow people to get close to you, how many deep, true connections can you actually create?
The more you keep your emotions and thoughts a secret, the more of an outsider you can feel. Because everyone else might struggle with similar pains as yours, people can bring up conversations or advice that will change the heaviness you feel.
The fear of making mistakes
Fearing upsetting others with your mistakes? Let me ask you: how many things in life did you do or learn without making at least one mistake that helped you become better?
It’s the same with people and the process of creating a healthy relationship.
Isn’t it normal that when interacting with friends, parents, children, partners, acquaintances, and coworkers, you get to disagree many times? Isn’t it true that in every quality relationship you had, you also had hard times? Could it then be true that mistakes are made to be forgiven and deepen your trust and connection?
The fear of failing
There is always a possibility of a relationship failing, if you invested in it, right?
Because the more you invest, the more you see the risk in case that relationship ends.
But the true loss can come from killing a potential human connection before it has a chance to blossom because of anxiety.
If you replace the failure attitude with focusing on trust and expressing your needs kindly, you allow mutual support to exist.
Every relationship can bring at least one realization – an opportunity to see where you stand and who deserves to stay around you. An opportunity to see that peace and self-trust can happen when you surround yourself with people who treat you right, but also when you quit with intention the toxic people in your life.
If you want to overcome anxiety and insecurity in a sustainable way, you have to accept that all four of these fears will get triggered through your relationships. But that’s the healthy part of it. Because if you find the right people, and you allow them to get closer, step by step, at your own pace, you create space to address the triggers and feel accepted and supported.
If you create the space to have support, you can replace the old experience of fear with new emotional experiences: feeling heard, tolerated, respected, accepted, and connected, and that has a powerful impact on your healing.
Not feeling supported became a trauma for you in the past. But guess what? Allowing the support from the right people can become your healing. If your parents were not able to treat you well, new adults who respect you can make up for that suffering. But you have to allow it to happen.
Instead of suffering in loneliness, why not search for a group that shares your struggle, a group of volunteers that need your help, or an online community to share inspiration? Or sign up for a class, course, webinar? Sometimes, the power of the group is healing just by being present with other souls that go through the same things as you, not having to carry a burden alone.
Social support can come in any form. Think of online communities, coaches, psychologists, friends, family, neighbors, people from the past, or even a stranger that seems kind. Make a brave healing effort, send them a message, a question, or a compliment, and create an opportunity for connection.
And if that instantly triggers the worry of being a burden, remember this: if you find yourself always just asking, demanding and taking advantage, and never giving back in return-without accepting the boundaries of others-then maybe you can be a burden to them. But if you’re just a kind person who, from time to time, needs help and support, and you are capable of giving help and support in return, then you’re just a normal human being – not even close to being a burden.
The presence of others can be healing, and it’s a necessary part of any process for overcoming anxiety.
If you need help, please contact me and let’s work on the beliefs that keep you isolated and the four fears that could be sabotaging your happiness and joy in relationships.
Teodora Goloiu,
clinical psychologist, therapist and trauma specialist with 12 years of experience.